bird of melancholy:longing
encaustic and mixed media, 6×6 inches
This piece was actually created in early 2006 for when I went to artfest and the theme was fanciful creatures or something like that. Totally not what I do, but I had fun creating something that wasn’t my norm. I sold the companion piece to this one at that artfest which was the first time I sold a painting off a public wall! I had been selling my journals online for a long time before that. But that artfest wall was the first time I put a painting up in a public space and the first time I saw that little red dot next to my painting. I can’t believe that was only last year. Seems like eons ago.
Why am I posting an older piece? Well, I think it’s because I’ve been thinking of longing and desire. Thinking about what is it that I want from life right now. Desire is what propels us forward. Without desire, I am complacency- standing in lines, moving along those crowded airport ramps…
For so long my goal, my intention, was to paint. And then get those paintings out into the world. Slowly, baby step by baby step that is what I’ve been doing. I had been afraid for so long. But afraid of what? After the complications during my pregnancy and after Noah was born, I realized that there are definite things in life that I can be fearful of. Approaching people about my artwork is not one of them! Who cares if they say no or don’t like it. Big deal. It’s not going to kill me or harm me or harm someone I love. Becoming a mother has made me brave.
But now…what do I want? Where do I go from here? Where do I want to go?
All I know for sure is that I want and need balance. I need to create. That is who I am. But I also find my joy in my new role as mother. Which as all mothers can vouch for, is one of the most demanding roles out there. It’s all about balance.
Speaking of my little joy, I need to get him up and ready for our music class.
About this piece: This is an example of lots of layering. I had an ampersand board that was not clayboarded or gessoed or anything like that. To prepare it for wax, I glued down a piece of torn watercolor paper. You can see at the top how the wax just loved to grab onto the torn edges. On top of the watercolor paper, I added a piece of torn paper from a book on French gothic architecture (I think, I don’t speak French). And then I added a pencil drawing I did of my bird girl. On top of all of these layerings, are more layers of wax and pigment and oil sticks and incisions.