Through the years I have set intentions to develop a meditation practice, but it never sticks. I’m convince that I’m just not doing it correctly. My brain just starts to think and think and think, not necessarily good things. Random things, trivial things, things that make me mad, an itch that I have, etc. etc. A friend of mine has given me tips such as going though the different chakra points in the body using a color guide to help me remember…but It just doesn’t stick.
I have however have been able to get into a meditative zone through guided visual meditation….but that’s not feasible as an everyday, weekly or even monthly activity. As I write this, i wonder, well what is the purpose of meditation. Am I supposed to gain something from it? Enlightenment perhaps? That might be a heavy ask and maybe why I feel like I’m failing at it. Or maybe I should see it as a way to feel calm and balance for a moment in our hectic world Or as a way to let the outside world find an exit from my inner word.
Honestly, I feel like I get into a meditative state when I am doing a life drawing. Hav you ever sat for hours and stared at a tree and drawn it? Everything else quiets down for sure except for the communion between me and the tree. Or when I’m kneading bread dough. Maybe it’s not just about sitting still and upright with my eyes closed.
This painting used to be another painting, which used to be another painting. There are many many layers on this panel. So much texture. Last month, I started taking some older works and reworking them. Sometimes that involves taking out my razor blade and scraping down and fusing, scraping down some more and fusing some more. With this one it was a little bit of that, but mostly it was the process of covering it up again. I kept my favorite parts of the original painting, which is the top. Added a few more bits. And then I added the bowl.
I return to my bowl and vessels series every now and them when I’m feeling the need to center myself. What am I filling myself with? What needs to be emptied?